To Be In The Shadows

#4 in the Contemplations series

There are days, a lot of them in fact, when I stay mute. For hours, I keep quiet, I am speechless. It happened to me frequently when I was in school and at university, well mostly at university where I barely knew anyone.

I am invisible. No one talks to me, therefore I don’t talk to anyone. I stay in the shadows, observing the new friendships that are being made in front of me. At times, I focus on analyzing the way people bond.

When I stay home, I’ll talk with my family. I slightly regain a sense of myself. I am someone again. However, when I’m not, I tend to forget who I am. I rely on my writings, the way I’ve arranged my room, the things I have achieved that are noticeable around me. I’m close to forgetting my own name at times. How odd is it?

These days when I barely utter a word are daunting. I feel like a ghost meandering around, having lost my sanity perhaps, or my identity. No one knows my name. I don’t receive any message, or phone call or email. I am somehow invisible. Nobody reaches out to me, and I don’t feel like reaching out to anyone.

I am speechless, voiceless, noiseless.

Would past mere acquaintances even recognize me? At times, I only wish I would come across a former classmates of mine, or one of the few friends I had a few years back, to remind me of who I am. To remind myself that I am someone, that people can see me and some even know (or knew) me. To remind me of the person I am. That I am Giulia and I am visible.

I am not a ghost.

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