I hate those lies

I hate the lie that says that we are not alone in our pain.

I hate the person I am when I meet someone new and how easily I forget what is the way to reach out again.
I hate the unceasing tremors.
I hate being unable to look inside people’s eyes in the subway and simultaneously getting tense.
I hate the million gestures I make when I’m stressful.
I hate the remaining hopes and the ever-lasting disappointments.
I hate the swift shift in mood.
I hate the cumulated heavy disillusions.
I hate the zombie walk.
I hate the unwillingness.
I hate the well-put sentences that try to convince me that I am doing just fine.

I hate that the only thing which can cheer me up at times are organizations’ social media filled with cheesy bright quotes.
I hate that I can’t make it up to the rare people who are the kindest with me.

I hate that there is no one to voice the unspoken words.
I hate that there is no one to understand the deafening silence.
I hate that there is no one to look at the uneasiness.

I hate the bulky shame.
I hate the tears which won’t come out at the right time.

I hate the lie that says there’s still time for change.
It’s been so long already.

I hate the pretending.
I hate the lies.


This sounds utterly pessimistic and negative — I needed to vent. 

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6 thoughts on “I hate those lies

  1. We really are alone in our pain but that’s what makes us stronger… the next time, knowing that you got through this so you can handle whatever comes next.

  2. Looks like you’ve had a bad day. 😦 You may hate so many of these things, but, I’m sure thousands of people can relate! For example, I hate the gestures I make when I am nervous, too. Especially the fact that my neck gets bright red, like I got a rash or something, whenever I experience strong emotions, such as anger, nervousness, and even happiness.

    We all need to vent sometimes, but don’t feel bad about yourself, ever! And, don’t think you can’t make it up to those who are kind to you. We all give our best, and people will learn to recognize and appreciate your best.

    Have a great Sunday!

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