Feeling good enough is a lot of pressure. It has always been for me a tremendous weight on my shoulders ; and I’m pretty sure this happens to a multitude of people. Prominently, I’ve constantly felt it over the last years.
Will my teachers be enough satisfied with my grades?
Will my help be just enough?
Will I be reprimanded again for not speaking loud enough?
Am I making enough efforts for my parents?
Will I ever equal my sisters?
Will I ever be good enough?
Since I was a child, I felt a huge weight to carry in shyness. It’s been a destroying force. I remember when my mother once invited a classmate to my house. We did not often hang out together, and I wasn’t confident talking to unfamiliar people. I could barely say a word to her. Her mother must’ve told me that if I did not speak out, they were going to leave. They did. And I could only be ashamed.
.As middle school started and finally ended, I had not made any friends. My sisters were growing up, too. I soon realized that my younger sister had overtaken me, living a seemingly fulfilled life, whilst I isolated myself in my room. From then on, I had always felt different, from my sisters, my classmates, and my family.
.The idea of being an equal amongst others, in the right place and to perfectly fit in, transformed into a haunting thought. And with constant pressure came doubt. Doubts that became so loud and huge and dreadful that they paralyze you to the core. The observations grow to be valueless, the recurrence making you numb.
Longing to live up to the expectations, climbing up hills of strain, results in rubbles, and frustration. Failure remains the unattainable peak to overcome. It dampens your hopes and lingeringly makes them vanish enduringly. Obsessive comparison gradually becomes your crucial yet ravaging inner power. ‘Enough’ comes to be the uppermost level to reach on the scale of life.
But is there such a thing as being enough? Is it not just to be oneself — true to who we are? Is it not just getting up and existing no matter the difficulty of the previous day? Isn’t the uniqueness of each human being on Earth just enough? Ultimately, I’m a strong believer in the beauty of difference and diversity.
It remains tedious to persuade myself that I am enough, even after writing these words emerging from my very heart. I might never come out of my shell. I might never accomplish my biggest dreams. I might never find a friend, or a boyfriend. I might never find a way to send that text message. ‘Maybe’s‘ are endless. But if I do never achieve these, does it make me any less valuable than anyone else? Perhaps not. And, no matter the outcome, Rome wasn’t built in a day. There will be countless ups and downs. Rising and falling continually makes a never-ending lesson. Life will not cease to amaze you with its infinite surprises. Keeping on following your very path might in the end make you just enough, as legions of wonderful things are waiting for you down the road. It’s a lifelong effort to be you, and it is enough.
You are just enough.
NB: The picture was taken by me.
PS —This post was inspired by some very uplifting, inspirational and kind people. I hope they recognize themselves. 💕